Live blog, Werder Bremen vs. Bayern Munich: The quest for 101 percent possession

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Bayern Munich | Bundesliga | Bremen’s rebound

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201512:41 pm

FT: Werder Bremen 0 – 4 Bayern Munich || It’s all over, thankfully. Bayern play a bunch of randoms (not really) and still walk away with a 4-0 victory over a not awful team. 

Look at Pep embracing Reina. Keeping up appearances. “Yay, we really needed you! You’re an important part of this club.” Meanwhile, Bayern are playing 4 year olds and romping. This man can man manager. Well, man manage everyone except Zlatan.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201512:33 pm

Werder Bremen 0 – 4 Bayern Munich || It just doesn’t get any better for Bremen. Unless you think losing by more goals is better. Will there be any mercy for the less fortunate?

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201512:28 pm

Unless Bremen plan on bringing on three goals, there really isn’t any reason to be introducing substitutes. Just let this one die, guys.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201512:25 pm

This is harsh.

“Hey, we’re going to bring in our substitute. His name is Phil Lahm. Be gentle with him.”

Bayern really needs to be nicer to colleagues.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201512:19 pm

Alaba and Lewandowski aren’t German, but this is the most German of celebrations.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201512:15 pm

Werder Bremen 0 – 3 Bayern Munich || We have had an interruption to our wrestling match. More on this later. Maybe.

Also, find the goalkeeper.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201512:12 pm

Renia goes up to pick a ball out of the sky and bodies end up on the floor. I’m telling you, this “game” is going to end up 7 v. 7 with a few people pressing charges.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201512:09 pm

Not a lot of space out there today. I’ll let you know when the soccer happens.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201512:08 pm

This party is turning into a wrestling match. European football is very technical.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201512:07 pm

It’s getting testy out there. It’s a card party, and everyone’s invited. The referee is the center of attention and it seems like everyone wants to be around him. He’s a popular man, the referee.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201512:04 pm

Bremen actually scored!! They scored a goal!! But …

You knew there was a but coming. There were hands involved, and not goalkeeper hands. And perhaps some Jerome Boateng interference. And perhaps unfair calls. Who knows. But Bremen have not scored.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201512:01 pm

One of those shot-crosses almost beats Pepe Reina. But Pepe gets back to his line and preserves his position as backup goalkeeper.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201511:59 am

Bundesliga at least doing a good job trying to get as many people as possible into a shot. Leagues are getting more competitive in this area.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201511:57 am

We can’t pretend as if Chelsea and Barcelona and Real Madrid have some sort of monopoly on surrounding the referee.

Benatia and Prödl pick up yellows for questionable tackles.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201511:48 am

As far as I’m concerned, this counts as possession. Don’t rush this goal kick, Mr. Wolf.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201511:44 am

This is going to sound stupid, but I really don’t care. It’s amazing that 11 professional players in a league with very high standards can consistently be that much better than another group of 11 players.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201511:40 am

And on the seventh day, he created the second half … to punish Bremen for their sins of not being Bayern.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201511:26 am

Werder Bremen 0 – 2 Bayern Munich || Trouble, indeed. The ensuing free kick, right before halftime, ruins everything for Bremen. Alaba curls the ball past a relatively helpless Wolf, almost as if he practices these free kicks. 

This isn’t the greatest way to go into halftime for Bremen, but there are worst ways. We won’t talk about them, though. 

The referee blows the whistle. Halftime.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201511:22 am

While it looks like Sebastian Prödl is claiming that Mario Götze dived, what he’s actually saying is “He’s too good.” Free kick at the top of the box. This is trouble.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201511:18 am

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the Bundesliga, German is being spoken. 

The score at the Weserstadion is still 1-0 to Bayern. The possession is still what you would expect. Bayern have 100.5% possession.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201511:06 am

Look at this glorious goal and then tell me that Tommy Muller doesn’t deserve to make whatever face he wants to make.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201511:03 am

Werder Bremen 0 – 1 Bayern Munich || Thomas Muller scores an absolutely ridiculous goal from the top, right side of the box. He curls the ball around Wolf to the far post and then celebrates like he should be strapped to a table. But he deserves this moment. The goal was glorious.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201510:58 am

It should come as a huge surprise to people that Bayern has the lion’s share of possession. Because they’re selfish.

Meanwhile in England, Matt Phillips scored this ridiculous goal. It isn’t German, [insert non-so-clever comment about ruthless efficiency].

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201510:53 am

Bremen, the team with the worst defense in the Bundesliga, almost concede. Lewandowski’s header almost breaches the goal but Wolf is having none of that. Not yet, at least.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201510:48 am

Speaking of Bremen having a shot at things, maybe you should have a read of this in your free time.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201510:48 am

After hammering teams 7-0 in the Champions League and generally doing whatever it wants to whomever it wants, the level of expectation for Bayern may be through the roof. Per those exceptionally high standards, Bayern are doing horribly and Bremen have a shot at Champions League soccer.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201510:43 am

That’s an impressive streak of non-Germans. 

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201510:41 am

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201510:41 am

We’re off …

We’re actually four minutes in and somehow we’re still scoreless. The teams are feeling each other out, Bremen in their collared shirts, Bayern in the thick vertical stripes. 

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201510:36 am

There’s a slight delay because they’re taping the goal. Bayern manager Pep Guardiola is not impressed. Not in the slightest.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201510:32 am

Even though Bayern clearly don’t care about this game. Bremen’s already in a prayer circle and the game hasn’t even started.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201510:29 am

It’s a miracle the game is even taking place considering all of the turmoil that’s taken place in the build up to the game.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201510:28 am

Bremen, who currently sit in eighth place in the Bundesliga, will also field 11 players today.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201510:25 am

In fact, Bayern are so meh that …

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201510:25 am

Here’s the Bayern XI, which already shows a touch of “Meh, whatever.”

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201510:24 am

If you need a place to watch the game in Omaha, Nebraska, go to BRIX – Village Pointe at 9:15 am. At least that’s what that Facebook post says.

Miriti Murungi March 14, 201510:22 am

The Bundesliga back. It’s time to pretend that there isn’t an 800-point gap at the top of the league table and that Bayern isn’t going to go out and buy anyone who even had passing thoughts of trying to overthrow the Bayernocratic state. It’s time for Bayern Munich vs. Werder Bremen. Aaaaaaggggghhhhhhh. 

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