Live blog, UEFA Champions League: Barcelona in control, Juve carrying the flag for Italy

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Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20155:43 pm

These are our quarterfinalists:

– PSG
– Barcelona
– Atletico Madrid
– Juventus
– Real Madrid
– Bayern Munich
– Monaco
– Porto

Oh so tasty. And the draw comes at you on Friday.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20155:38 pm

England has been ejected from the Champions League. Time to throw some money at the problem.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20155:36 pm

Meanwhile …

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20155:34 pm

Juve have finished off Dortmund, 3-0. That’s 5-1 on aggregate and the Old Lady is into the quarterfinals.

Paul Pogba is into the quarterfinals.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20155:33 pm

How has Barcelona not scored yet? This is what Joe Hart is doing to Leo. He’s killing him.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20155:32 pm

Their finishing today is almost as problematic

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20155:31 pm

The whole denim thing is a problem. I’ve been saying that Barcelona is ruining denim for everyone.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20155:27 pm

Maybe he was asking for fashion tips?

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20155:24 pm

Post-penalty, Pique trying to get some of that talent to rub off on him.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20155:21 pm

TER STEGEN SAVES THE PENALTY.

Once Man City, always Man City.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20155:21 pm

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20155:20 pm

Penalty for Manchester City. Aguero draws it and Barca might be in trouble…

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20155:20 pm

“Joe Hart is a hero today.”

That’s short for “Shit, Man City.”

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20155:19 pm

Joe Hart is a hero today. Barcelona should be up by 45 goals.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20155:18 pm

Barcelona don’t really care about winning this match. Today was about embarrassing Man City more than anything. It’s beautiful.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20155:11 pm

JUVE SCORE AGAIN!

It’s 2-0, 4-1 on aggregate, Borussia Dortmund are dead and, most importantly, Paul Pogba is in the quarterfinals.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20155:10 pm

Until Roman Abramovich flies a helicopter over the Camp Nou and drops $300 million cash on Messi

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20155:09 pm

I’m waiting for a Manchester City player to pull a wad of cash out of his shorts and throw it at Messi. That may not work, but it’s the only way they have of stopping him.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20155:07 pm

“Why make Aguero a defender when you can make him a midfielder?” – Pep

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20155:06 pm

I wonder what Pep Guardiola thinks about that. He’s probably be for that idea.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20155:05 pm

Maybe City could have Aguero replace Kompany

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20155:05 pm

This is Ter Stegen doing his thing, several miles away from the goal. He couldn’t make it past Sergio Aguero.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20155:02 pm

But how much respect do you have for Stegen after that? I have lots of time for him now.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20155:01 pm

Ter Stegen got caught 40 yards from his line and slowly jogged back. That is how much respect Barca have for City.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20155:00 pm

Lull them to sleep and then raise the flag for the archers. That’s the science, right?

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20154:57 pm

https://twitter.com/worldfootballcm/status/578298890484580354

Pep is going to be so proud of BVB after the match.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20154:56 pm

English soccering masterclass out on these soccer fields.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20154:54 pm

Nasri can still get a red card. Let’s not write him off quite yet.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20154:48 pm

Nasri has been subbed off, which means we won’t get to watch him get the inevitable red card. Why does Pellegrini ruin all of the fun?

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20154:48 pm

Dortmund and Juventus are back underway, but it doesn’t matter because Pogba is out hurt.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20154:45 pm

I’m just going to keep watching Milner get nutmegged for the next 45 minutes. I’m going to howl every single time I watch.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20154:39 pm

James Milner can’t catch a break on the internets.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20154:39 pm

Manchester City needs a Stephen Ireland type player to also not do anything of note.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20154:33 pm

It’s halftime at the Camp Nou, where Manchester City are going to spend the 15 minutes patting themselves at how well they are sitting quietly in the dressing room because it’s the best thing they’ve done all day.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20154:32 pm

“What’s your name, papi?”

“Phil Lahm, sir.”

“What position do you play?”

“Fullback.”

“You’re now a central midfielder.”

“Huh?”

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20154:30 pm

That’s how he manages.

“You, to the middle.”
“But coach, I’m a fullback.”
“Well I can’t see that so you’re a midfielder now. And everyone else, you’re in the middle too.”
Miriti Murungi March 18, 20154:30 pm

Got that Pep update.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20154:29 pm

True or false: Lionel Messi reads coloring books.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20154:28 pm

True or false: Lionel Messi is good.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20154:27 pm

He doesn’t even like him.

Let’s have a look at that Rakitic goal.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20154:26 pm

Samir Nasri’s France teammates went to the coach and asked for him to be left off of the team. Nobody likes him.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20154:25 pm

Nasri’s such a punk. I’m convinced he’s getting sent off. Here he is sweeping the leg. Literally. He swept Neymar’s leg and collected a yellow card. He’s halfway there.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20154:23 pm

They gotta spend some of those quids.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20154:22 pm

That’s been Man City’s problem. They’re cheap.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20154:21 pm

England won’t have any teams in the Champions League after today. I think the country needs to spend more money.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20154:20 pm

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20154:19 pm

BARCELONA SCORE!

Noted good player Lionel Messi hits a pinpoint pass to put Ivan Rakitic in alone on goal and it’s 1-0, 3-1 on aggregate.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20154:18 pm

We’ve had out first episode of Spain-on-Argentine crime. David Silva picked up a yellow for this tackle on Messi.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20154:16 pm

NO. You have to put a warning note before just throwing that into a live blog. I am not emotionally prepared for such Pogba news.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20154:14 pm

Pogba has been subbed off injured. Why are they even bothering finishing the match?

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20154:12 pm

RED ALERT: PAUL POGBA IS HURT.

He’s moving gingerly. We may have to end the world today.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20154:12 pm

And with just a little bit of photoshop, his mouth is open. Another bite?!

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20154:11 pm

Speaking of Scandal, I wonder if someone’s going to try to send Suarez to prison for trying to headbutt Kolarov. He was going for a header (it was a 50-50 ball), but if you freeze the shot, you can definitely make it look like he was trying to murder a fellow professional.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20154:10 pm

Kompany and Demichelis are playing a very high line. There’s no way that will possibly go wrong.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20154:07 pm

Did Messi cut his hair to woo Pep? SCANDAL!

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20154:06 pm

Messi just proved your point by trying to curl a free kick from outside the post into Hart’s top-right corner and not scoring. The shot just missed, as you can tell by Pep looking like he wants to make out with Messi.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20154:04 pm

Lionel Messi wouldn’t still be scoreless if he still had his mullet. Haircuts ruin lives, folks.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20154:03 pm

Look at all-action James Milner doing anything possible to make things happen. He’s the poster boy for effort, dedication and personality.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20154:02 pm

Point taken.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20154:01 pm

U2 had seats like that yesterday…

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20154:00 pm

His image, man. Regardless of anyone’s opinion, Guardiola is synonymous with genius. I mean look at his seats. You don’t get average seats to a game by being average.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20153:58 pm

What success? Bayern are worse than they were before he got there. /ducks

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20153:56 pm

This was Pep Guardiola’s face when Neymar hit the post. He also showed up fashionably late and was just getting to his seat. His success has clearly gone to his head.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20153:53 pm

Neymar hit the inside of the post and Man City are already in trouble so things are going well for England.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20153:53 pm

Carlos Tevez trying to force his way into the conversation about Pogba.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20153:53 pm

List of teams Pogba going to that will make me cry:

– Every team that can afford him besides PSG
Miriti Murungi March 18, 20153:52 pm

He really is the only newsworthy thing happening today between 3:45pm – 5:45pm EST.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20153:51 pm

THIS. GOAL.

Miriti Murungi March 18, 20153:51 pm

I’m kind of only interested in Paul Pogba’s hair.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20153:49 pm

HOLY CRAP CARLOS TEVEZ SCORED AN ABSOLUTE MISSILE OH MY GOD

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20153:48 pm

If Man City can’t mount a comeback, there will be no English teams in the Champions League quarterfinals for the second time in three years.

PREMIER LEAGUE IN CRISIS!

See, I narrative.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20153:43 pm

Hey, Manchester City. Go to the Camp Nou and turn around a one-goal deficit. Oh, and you’ve also given up two away goals so good luck with that.

Ryan Rosenblatt March 18, 20153:42 pm

21 players here are irrelevant. Focus on who matters: POOOOGBAAAA.

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