These are our quarterfinalists:
– Atletico Madrid
– Real Madrid
– Bayern Munich
Oh so tasty. And the draw comes at you on Friday.
England has been ejected from the Champions League. Time to throw some money at the problem.
Juve have finished off Dortmund, 3-0. That’s 5-1 on aggregate and the Old Lady is into the quarterfinals.
Paul Pogba is into the quarterfinals.
How has Barcelona not scored yet? This is what Joe Hart is doing to Leo. He’s killing him.
Their finishing today is almost as problematic
The whole denim thing is a problem. I’ve been saying that Barcelona is ruining denim for everyone.
Maybe he was asking for fashion tips?
Post-penalty, Pique trying to get some of that talent to rub off on him.
TER STEGEN SAVES THE PENALTY.
Once Man City, always Man City.
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG
Penalty for Manchester City. Aguero draws it and Barca might be in trouble…
“Joe Hart is a hero today.”
That’s short for “Shit, Man City.”
Joe Hart is a hero today. Barcelona should be up by 45 goals.
Barcelona don’t really care about winning this match. Today was about embarrassing Man City more than anything. It’s beautiful.
JUVE SCORE AGAIN!
It’s 2-0, 4-1 on aggregate, Borussia Dortmund are dead and, most importantly, Paul Pogba is in the quarterfinals.
Until Roman Abramovich flies a helicopter over the Camp Nou and drops $300 million cash on Messi
I’m waiting for a Manchester City player to pull a wad of cash out of his shorts and throw it at Messi. That may not work, but it’s the only way they have of stopping him.
“Why make Aguero a defender when you can make him a midfielder?” – Pep
I wonder what Pep Guardiola thinks about that. He’s probably be for that idea.
Maybe City could have Aguero replace Kompany
This is Ter Stegen doing his thing, several miles away from the goal. He couldn’t make it past Sergio Aguero.
But how much respect do you have for Stegen after that? I have lots of time for him now.
Ter Stegen got caught 40 yards from his line and slowly jogged back. That is how much respect Barca have for City.
Lull them to sleep and then raise the flag for the archers. That’s the science, right?
Pep is going to be so proud of BVB after the match.
English soccering masterclass out on these soccer fields.
Nasri can still get a red card. Let’s not write him off quite yet.
Nasri has been subbed off, which means we won’t get to watch him get the inevitable red card. Why does Pellegrini ruin all of the fun?
Dortmund and Juventus are back underway, but it doesn’t matter because Pogba is out hurt.
I’m just going to keep watching Milner get nutmegged for the next 45 minutes. I’m going to howl every single time I watch.
James Milner can’t catch a break on the internets.
Manchester City needs a Stephen Ireland type player to also not do anything of note.
It’s halftime at the Camp Nou, where Manchester City are going to spend the 15 minutes patting themselves at how well they are sitting quietly in the dressing room because it’s the best thing they’ve done all day.
“What’s your name, papi?”
“Phil Lahm, sir.”
“What position do you play?”
“You’re now a central midfielder.”
That’s how he manages.
Got that Pep update.
True or false: Lionel Messi reads coloring books.
True or false: Lionel Messi is good.
He doesn’t even like him.
Let’s have a look at that Rakitic goal.
Samir Nasri’s France teammates went to the coach and asked for him to be left off of the team. Nobody likes him.
Nasri’s such a punk. I’m convinced he’s getting sent off. Here he is sweeping the leg. Literally. He swept Neymar’s leg and collected a yellow card. He’s halfway there.
They gotta spend some of those quids.
That’s been Man City’s problem. They’re cheap.
England won’t have any teams in the Champions League after today. I think the country needs to spend more money.
Noted good player Lionel Messi hits a pinpoint pass to put Ivan Rakitic in alone on goal and it’s 1-0, 3-1 on aggregate.
We’ve had out first episode of Spain-on-Argentine crime. David Silva picked up a yellow for this tackle on Messi.
NO. You have to put a warning note before just throwing that into a live blog. I am not emotionally prepared for such Pogba news.
Pogba has been subbed off injured. Why are they even bothering finishing the match?
RED ALERT: PAUL POGBA IS HURT.
And with just a little bit of photoshop, his mouth is open. Another bite?!
Speaking of Scandal, I wonder if someone’s going to try to send Suarez to prison for trying to headbutt Kolarov. He was going for a header (it was a 50-50 ball), but if you freeze the shot, you can definitely make it look like he was trying to murder a fellow professional.
Kompany and Demichelis are playing a very high line. There’s no way that will possibly go wrong.
Did Messi cut his hair to woo Pep? SCANDAL!
Messi just proved your point by trying to curl a free kick from outside the post into Hart’s top-right corner and not scoring. The shot just missed, as you can tell by Pep looking like he wants to make out with Messi.
Lionel Messi wouldn’t still be scoreless if he still had his mullet. Haircuts ruin lives, folks.
Look at all-action James Milner doing anything possible to make things happen. He’s the poster boy for effort, dedication and personality.
U2 had seats like that yesterday…
His image, man. Regardless of anyone’s opinion, Guardiola is synonymous with genius. I mean look at his seats. You don’t get average seats to a game by being average.
What success? Bayern are worse than they were before he got there. /ducks
This was Pep Guardiola’s face when Neymar hit the post. He also showed up fashionably late and was just getting to his seat. His success has clearly gone to his head.
Neymar hit the inside of the post and Man City are already in trouble so things are going well for England.
Carlos Tevez trying to force his way into the conversation about Pogba.
List of teams Pogba going to that will make me cry:
He really is the only newsworthy thing happening today between 3:45pm – 5:45pm EST.
I’m kind of only interested in Paul Pogba’s hair.
HOLY CRAP CARLOS TEVEZ SCORED AN ABSOLUTE MISSILE OH MY GOD
If Man City can’t mount a comeback, there will be no English teams in the Champions League quarterfinals for the second time in three years.
PREMIER LEAGUE IN CRISIS!
See, I narrative.
Hey, Manchester City. Go to the Camp Nou and turn around a one-goal deficit. Oh, and you’ve also given up two away goals so good luck with that.
21 players here are irrelevant. Focus on who matters: POOOOGBAAAA.