Nike’s new United States kit proves nothing is sacred anymore

It’s out.

Nike has released the U.S. women’s national team’s new kits. These are the pieces of apparel the 23 women Jill Ellis selected will be wearing when they head to Canada in June on a quest to win the 2015 FIFA Women’s World Cup. Considering the tournament is right next door, lots of U.S. fans will be in attendance cheering on the ol’ … um … black and white.

Yeah, #NOMAYBE is correct.

For years now, U.S. soccer kits, for both the men and women, have lacked any discernible pattern or theme. Ever since U.S. Soccer transitioned from adidas to Nike back in 1995, we’ve seen solids, vertical stripes, solids-to-thin stripes all in one shirt, and bold, thick horizontal Waldo stripes. But for the most part, the colors have been remotely close to red, white and blue. There was an America theme that bore a close resemblance to colors Americans associate with United States.

But because of business, Nike has now re-branded America as only Nike can. Welcome to America, the land of the black and white. Wait, maybe Nike’s making some sort of social commentary? Never mind, I digress.

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There’s no saying where this trend will end. Perhaps Nike will begin to craft and enforce U.S. foreign policy. Perhaps Nike will redefine marriage. It turns out, nothing is sacred anymore. Get used to it.

Also, pay attention to the neon green-yellow socks, which should remind everyone of the founding fathers or Watergate or gigantic but inexpensive neon sodas that probably cause instant diabetes. This, ladies and gentlemen, is your new America. Climb aboard.

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