Live blog: Nando Vila joins Univision’s MLS coverage… and he’s going to be terrible

Kevin Brown May 9, 201512:24 am

Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

There’s only one way to end this domestic soccer spectacular. We enjoyed this more than we should have, but still not as much as Nando did. Goodnight, y’all!!!

Miriti Murungi May 9, 201512:22 am

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

Miriti Murungi May 9, 201512:18 am

There’s no such thing as a wrong reason. All reasons are equal. Tune in next time.

https://twitter.com/mpacific/status/596891469341941761

Kevin Brown May 9, 201512:17 am

Maybe the strangest way to show love that I’ve seen so far tonight.

Miriti Murungi May 9, 201512:14 am

Even turned some of the haters around:

Kevin Brown May 9, 201512:11 am

This is the best MLS performance since Clint Mathis dropped 5 goals on Dallas

Miriti Murungi May 9, 201512:10 am

I don’t like the idea of ending this on a positive note. I was hoping for more of a train wreck but Nando just said “MLS is for the children.” He won today. Unfortunately. But he’s done it.

Kevin Brown May 9, 201512:07 am

While I’m here: Bite me, NYCFC fans.

Kevin Brown May 9, 201512:07 am

Quality representation from the Red Bulls massive.

Miriti Murungi May 9, 201512:05 am

I really like where this is going.

Miriti Murungi May 9, 201512:04 am

Everyone is always one member of a royal family away from being opulent.

Kevin Brown May 9, 201512:01 am

LOL at them for thinking they can afford him. The opulence is real. 

Miriti Murungi May 9, 201512:00 am

It was only a matter of time until the job offers started rolling in.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201511:55 pm

This has nothing to do with the game, but I think it adds context to people new to the Full Nando Experience

They call me the tropical gangster #tropicalgangsterlife

A photo posted by Nando Vila (@nandorvila) on

Kevin Brown May 8, 201511:52 pm

The man is a sextuple threat. Rare talent in this industry.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201511:52 pm

People are starting to make sense. That, or they’re drunk as hell. It’s one of the two.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201511:51 pm

Things that Nando’s doing right now:

1. Talking on Univision Deportes about Colorado vs. San Jose
2. Tweeting
3. Instagramming
4. Reading live blogs
5. Probably wearing a speedo
6. Sending hate mail to Gareth Bale

Kevin Brown May 8, 201511:50 pm

I don’t want this to end. People are getting irrational.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201511:47 pm

Hahah, Nando is reading this from the booth. What up, Nando!

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201511:46 pm

It’s actually better when they read tweets. This is all Nando’s fault.

Did we mention Nando dropping Ol’ Dirty Bastard lyrics on the air? I don’t feel like scrolling down so yeah.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201511:45 pm

We’ve hit peak weird. This is beautiful.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201511:43 pm

Who the hell is “Marble Wynne”, Nando?

Kevin Brown May 8, 201511:41 pm

All three of them have bailed on the actual game to talk about Twitter. Nando is a terrible influence. I say this from personal experience.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201511:41 pm

This guy’s doing a statistical breakdown of Nando’s mentions.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201511:36 pm

“No I will not spoil the end of Avengers,” said Nando Vila on the air. He’s answering questions as requested. 

Kevin Brown May 8, 201511:35 pm

Entitled Millennial
https://twitter.com/punmasterjess/status/596880962622984192

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201511:34 pm

This is text book how you handle getting slandered on Twitter. You lean into it. Nando is embracing this. He’s a hero, really.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201511:32 pm

And for the record, it was Maxi Rodriguez who wanted to ruin the Avengers for all of you. 

Kevin Brown May 8, 201511:32 pm

I’m putting it at 95%. He’s on a mission to finish this strong.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201511:30 pm

Nando is an inspiration. Fully acknowledging the scorched earth that is his Twitter mentions tonight.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201511:26 pm

I’m not a fan of cliché unless you’re admitting that you’re using clichés. Then it’s hilarious. 

What are the odds we get a “Wu Tang is for the children” in the second half?

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201511:24 pm

Without any shame.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201511:23 pm

I think Nando is going for the Cliché Challenge record.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201511:18 pm

This man is a pro!

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201511:17 pm

Live-blog eyeballs: Do this. Let’s see if we can get Nando to do things and say things on the broadcast.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201511:11 pm

I just sent a “Get weird” text to Nando. Hoping for the best/worst.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201511:10 pm

At least he’s answering the important questions.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201511:07 pm

We’re at 75% completion. I can sense Nando losing his grip. 2nd half has potential.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201511:04 pm

And of course it was about Fernando Alonso. No shame in his biases.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201511:04 pm

Nando hasn’t said “The MLS” once and now he’s talking about Formula 1. I’m disappointed.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201511:02 pm

Viewership of this game might be slipping. Time for Nando to just start making stuff up.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201511:02 pm

People are coming around. This is what America is all about.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201511:00 pm

Need to do a PowerPoint about it write “synergy” on several slides.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:58 pm

😂  As a team, our corporate culture is amazing.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201510:56 pm

He knows how to get into Simon’s good graces.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:55 pm

That dude really reached for every profanity he could think of. 

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201510:52 pm

Social media is important. Nando gets it.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:50 pm

This man was on Instagram posting hate tweets during the last game.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:49 pm

The real MVP!

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201510:48 pm

Update from the booth:

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:46 pm

Yes, you can hot take the wet Colorado crowd, Nando

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201510:45 pm

Hot takes abound about Colorado’s stagecoach-robbing coach.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:44 pm

😐

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:43 pm

Speaking of not watching…I may or may not have been looking at this while Nando was talking about Wondo having ice in his veins. 

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201510:41 pm

We just said we weren’t watching. You snitched like two minutes later, Kevin. Carmelo would be disappointed.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:40 pm

Did Wondo just throw up gang signs?

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201510:39 pm

#Facts

We’re listening to the game like old-time radio. 

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:39 pm

Not really. We aren’t.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:37 pm

MLS fans have no home training.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201510:36 pm

😂 😂 😂 

Close. 

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:34 pm

Nando is being called out by major soccer publications now. Could get ugly.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:33 pm

Soccer Gods producer Zac Rigg is in awe of the #NandoWatch experience. It’s emotional.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:32 pm

I believe the phrase “You ain’t gotta lie to kick it” is applicable here.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201510:30 pm

During Colorado vs. San Jose.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:29 pm

“4 hours of MLS action. Can’t get any better”
Nando said that like he meant it.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201510:28 pm

Drew Moor, Stan Kroenke, John Denver, Conor Casey, Anderson Silva

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:25 pm

I’ve been in the MLS zone since 1996 and I can’t name 5 Colorado Rapids . . .all time. Nando is in trouble.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201510:19 pm

#PaintChips

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:19 pm

Orlando vs. New England is easy. I want to see what Nando can do with a mud duck of a game like Colorado vs. San Jose.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:14 pm

HAHAHAHA. The lack of chill in American soccer is so wonderful. 

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201510:14 pm

WHEN WILL IT END?!?!

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201510:12 pm

There’s time before the next game starts.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:11 pm

Can we live-blog Simon watching Nellyville??

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201510:10 pm

Nellyville is on BET.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:10 pm

👍⚽️

Thoroughly enjoyed the first half of this double-header. 

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201510:07 pm

I think I know where he’s headed.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:05 pm

“5 minutes of stoppage time seems very excessive”. Nando is trying to go home.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201510:03 pm

These people don’t know that, as employees of ABC/Univision joint venture, we can shut down their internet and turn off their electricity. Yet they keep taking swings. SMH.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:02 pm

Nando scoring in money time.

Kevin Brown May 8, 201510:01 pm

People don’t appreciate art.
https://twitter.com/LittleMLSBlog/status/596856499021991936

Miriti Murungi May 8, 201510:01 pm

I’m always in support of reparations.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:58 pm

Commentary reparations? I can get behind that.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20159:58 pm

In other news …

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20159:57 pm

Here’s my defense of the broadcast:

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20159:57 pm

Stop drinking, Kevin.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:57 pm

Are “half bicycle kicks” unicycle kicks?
Think about it.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:54 pm

Wow, Nando is bringing families together. That’s beautiful.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:53 pm

Simon is definitely about that Tom Jones life . This is his JAM.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20159:52 pm

Yo, people’s moms are getting in on the action. These are great times in American soccer history.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20159:50 pm

Simon can dance, though.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:49 pm

They have to let Nando get one “GOOOOOOOOOOOL”

Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:47 pm

I feel partially responsible for this somehow.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:46 pm

Lalas -level hate might mean that Nando is a next level genius.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20159:45 pm

He’s the one retweeting things like this.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:44 pm

That’s sweet. The soccer community is loving. Thaey want to keep Nando close to Jesus. Kaka probably has his number.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:44 pm

Nando suggesting that New England switch over to a possession style. His Spaniard is showing, yet again.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20159:43 pm

You have to take credit sometimes. Keep other people on their toes. Meanwhile, people are praying for Nando.

https://twitter.com/cmpn/status/596852567562330112

Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:42 pm

Ramses just took credit for naming Orlando “O-City”. That’s bold. I respect it.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:39 pm

Waiting for Nando to get too comfortable and try to kick some deep MLS knowledge.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:36 pm

HAHAHA, we might have to shut this down after that.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20159:33 pm

Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:32 pm

Great moment in American/Canadian history.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20159:31 pm

I like the Boon Boo Ree! #NeverForget

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20159:27 pm

Oh no. It’s getting dangerous out here.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:27 pm

It’s hard out here in these secondary audio streets.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:23 pm

I respect these guys’ willingness to give instructions on how to listen in English to people who are presently listening in English.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20159:22 pm

Teal Boonbury is in the building.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20159:20 pm

Boxes on boxes on checkers on checkers. I’d take Miguel as my uncle.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:19 pm

Whose uncle is that?

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20159:18 pm

Unrelated to #NandoWatch: Look at what Miguel Herrera is wearing.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20159:16 pm

Here’s Nando’s analysis of his first half performance:

A little harsh for someone batting 1,000 on pronouncing “Davies” correctly.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:12 pm

 . . .we should have snuck into Nando’s apartment to get snacks. We know he’s not home.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:11 pm

Dear readers, we’ll be back for start of the 2nd half. We need beer…uhh…chips. 

Yes. Chips.
Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:07 pm

“Solid” is high praise from Simon. Nando is winning.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:06 pm

I must admit, I’m pretty impressed with Nando’s first half. He’s staying in pocket. No fancy commentary step-overs. Playing real Route One football out there.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20159:05 pm

Nando said this:

But I don’t know if this guy knows that Nando is a Spaniard, which is a version of European, so if anyone knows if Seb Hines is like Beckenbauer, it’s Nando. I rate this criticism a 2/10. Do better.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20159:03 pm

“A trash boy” 😂😂 

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20159:02 pm

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 All the tears.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:01 pm

Starting to think MLS is in on the gag. People REALLY enjoy talking about these SAP broadcasts.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20159:00 pm

Dead. Dead. Dead. I don’t know who this man is referring to, but I want to buy him a beer.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20159:00 pm

Nando is sabotaging the broadcast. There’s no other explanation. He knows how to pronounce “Davies” and he’s letting his partner say “Davis” over and over and over again. Nando is evil.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20158:56 pm

I think he said that just to sound “authentic”.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20158:53 pm

Nando’s advocating diving. He’s such a European. He tried to do it on the sly, though. “I’m not advocating diving but …” He doesn’t have to sell me. I’m #TeamDiving.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20158:52 pm

Focus, Nando. Put the phone down, you millennial.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20158:52 pm
Doesn’t this man have more important things to do than tweet right now?

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20158:48 pm

You hear Nando dropping Adrian Heath knowledge? Former Everton man, indeed. Never underestimate the power of Wikipedia.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20158:46 pm

“In America, we book for harder challenges than that” -Nando
Damn right! 🇺🇸

Kevin Brown May 8, 20158:44 pm

Clearly, this young lady has read our mission statement.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20158:39 pm

Peder’s about to get a job offer.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20158:39 pm

This dude is great.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20158:38 pm

Wildly disrespectful, but one point for Nando.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20158:37 pm

My bad. Violation.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20158:36 pm

Why are you talking about soccer?

Kevin Brown May 8, 20158:36 pm

Not to distract from the main event here, but what the hell is going on with this reborn “Charlie Davis”?

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20158:35 pm

I suppose Simon could do a couple of Vines and Nando can play them for the audience.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20158:34 pm

Kevin Brown May 8, 20158:32 pm

How do we get Simon to call in and heckle him live on the air?

Kevin Brown May 8, 20158:31 pm

This commentary might inspire the next There Will Be Haters ad for adidas.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20158:29 pm

Nando has found a comfort zone: Talk about Kaka for 90min.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20158:29 pm

https://twitter.com/GalindoPW/status/596832603279269888

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20158:27 pm

I’m going to be very, very disappointed if Nando doesn’t say “The MLS” at least three times.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20158:23 pm

No doubt, whoever loses this game will be told to bench Gareth Bale immediately.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20158:22 pm

Trying to keep a short list of things Nando needs to drop into this broadcast. I guarantee he’s going to somehow talk about how Gareth Bale is horrible. Because Nando.

He’s just said it’s truly an honor to be on the broadcast. Is it, though?

Kevin Brown May 8, 20158:21 pm

😂 Rude, Ron Waxman

Kevin Brown May 8, 20158:20 pm

Has to happen for the sake of keeping it real.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20158:19 pm

Nando must provide some hot takes on Brek Shea in midfield again.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20158:17 pm

He has to demand a .5% raise for every name he pronounces correctly.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20158:14 pm

NANDO HOT TAKE: Lee Nguyen is the best player on the Revs!

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20158:14 pm

He said Charlie Davis, and it wasn’t even Nando. Nando is winning.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20158:13 pm

On the way home from work, Nando called me to get info about the games tonight. He assumes everything I told him was true.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20158:12 pm

Here’s a taste of what we’re in for tonight.

This is going to be a treat.

Bless this man.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20158:10 pm

We need a running count of incorrect Nando Facts.

Kevin Brown May 8, 20158:03 pm

I’m WAY too excited for this.

Miriti Murungi May 8, 20157:57 pm

It’s that time. Orlando City vs. New England? Nope. It’s time for #NandoWatch!!! That’s right, Nando Vila, of Soccer Gods notoriety will be joining the MLS SAP OMG broadcast tonight, and we’re going to focus on watching and listening and critiquing and mocking Nando during Orlando vs. New England. Because that’s our strength. 

You can tweet us at @soccergods if you have thoughts. We’ll probably drag them into this thing. Please also use the hashtag #NandoWatch. He’ll see everything. 

Pray for us, and more importantly, pray for Nando.

NOW

Drug Wars

Fri, Oct 20, 2017 - 11:00 pm

NEXT

Drug Wars

WHERE TO WATCH