Hey, have you ever wanted to see what your favorite Chelsea players would look like if they were victims of a terrible accident and had to have their faces replaced with the flesh of lesser Premier League players? Sure you have! What’s so “good” about a night’s sleep when you can’t have lucid nightmares?
So go buy one of these little shits. For $45. Each. Toy company — or demon realm crossover travel agents — Bubuzz has you covered.
If you find yourself the proud owner of this hellish quartet of dolls and their murderous runnings about through your dark apartment at night become too much to handle, call in the José Mourinho doll.
He will stare at you blankly for hours on end, before eventually telling you that if you wanted an easier night, you should have bought dolls from La Liga.
Better yet, you can get this adorable Diego Costa doll, and watch it magically get younger as the real-life Chelsea striker mystifyingly ages before your eyes. Lots of fun options for you and the family. 👍
The only thing more frightening than having a Chucky doll in your house might be ordering the John Terry monstrosity. I can imagine waking up one night to find that creepy little bastard hovering above me, calling me a “fucking black cunt” and trying to sleep with the girlfriend I don’t have only to try and shake my hand in the morning. Sounds pretty great.